Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
