Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
