A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
