theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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