please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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