dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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