well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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