Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
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I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
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How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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