my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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