i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
