wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
