i think my tv is drunk
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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