If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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