@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
