did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
