tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
