I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
