On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
