Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We are all done wearing pants today
You've changed since you got that strap on
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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