if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
