I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
