I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
