My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize