if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
