I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
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ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
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My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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