I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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