when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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