At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
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just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
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Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.