spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.