My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…