I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
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Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
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Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.