textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?