i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I feel like death gave me a hand job
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
