Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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