The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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