it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
