I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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