I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Randomize
