I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
