The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
