I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
