A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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