I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
