i came on her dog
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
