listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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