I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
