Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
