you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
