physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize