So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
