Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Pooping to opera.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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