You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
