there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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