Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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