Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
