I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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