i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Four minutes until I can fart!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I understand Curling. That high.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?