Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out