Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon