I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?