You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I would ride that face into the sunset