This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!