I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
