I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
