I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
