And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
