from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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