Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
