I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
