I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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