why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
